Bending it Like A Pretzel, Almost. Well, In the Future Anyway.

Twenty years ago,  I stopped practicing yoga.   That's misleading, I began completely neglecting the asanas (the physical postures).   And maybe I've been a little lax with the yamas (restraints).   I've had the occasional harmful thought.  I lie.  It can be fun, right?  Sometimes you  have to pretend to be your non-existent twin sister.  It's just better that way.  No debt, nope gotta a pile of student loans.  Celibate when single?  HAHAHAHAHAHA, not quite, but I will be faithful if I take a husband.

I decided it was time to jump back into it.  For about a week I have been taking it slowly, realising that I am not 15 anymore, I weigh 30 pounds more than I did then, and it has been so long, I've got my yoga virginity back.  Everything was going well.  I feel better, I'm more relaxed, my mediation is more efficient, but I was curious how strong and flexible I still was. 

Did I mention patience is another one of the yamas I need to work on?

More Very Bad No Good Parenting

My elder son Sean has been grounded.  Week one was a total tv blackout, however week two he is allowed more 'educational' type tv.  I loaded up the Netflix instant queue with documentaries and went about my business.  I come back in the lounge to see him watching Tremors 2.  'Seriously my beloved?' I asked.  'Dude, they are Precambrian.'

Now I could have told him to turn it off.  I could have asked him about the Precambrian era.  I could have even asked him why he was calling me 'dude'.  Did I do any of these things?  No.  I said tell me three ways to avoid the worms and three ways to kill them that are not in the film, whilst I make the popcorn.

What Kinda Psychoanalysis Can I Get For $8 an Hour?

Ghost of Sigmund Freud (GSF):  Come, Come lay down on the couch.

Me:  I'd rather not, have you a comfy chair?

GSF: It's your couch,  you'll be fine on it.  What seems to be the problem?

Me: Well Ghost Dr., I'm an...

GSF: It's sexual.

Me: No, If I can finish?

GSF: I see, so it is sexual.

Me: No you loon, I'm ANXIOUS!

GSF: Why are you yelling?  Are you attracted to me?

ME: I'm yelling because I'm cranky and you are annoying me.

GSF: You have quite a short fuse.

Me: Yes, I know.  I am having anxiety.

GSF: Why? You aren't dead. 

Me: Isn't  being dead stress free?

GSF: Not at all my dear, the housing problem alone is murder.

Me: Yes, well um back to me.  I'm cranky, and I want to sleep all the time.  I have no appetite.  I can't keep still.  I'm unable to focus.  I mean I'm reading three books right now.  I mean simultaneously, a few sentences from one book, then the next, then the last one.  As if that isn't too much, I'm also watching youtube videos, and the football match and surfing the web. 

GSF: Why? Why are you stressed?  Are you not grateful to be alive, to have healthy happy pikni?   Well except for the oldest one, whom I gather is being whiny and obstreperous.  You are not hungry or homeless or unloved?

Me: Yes that is true, but still  I don't have a job, I'm going to have to move, my children have drunk the Big Gulp of puberty hormones, my grandma is getting ready to die.  I apparently look so lost that everywhere I go someone is trying to talk to me about the lord.  In one afternoon, I had Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses pass by d house. 

GSF: I see.

Me: Do you?  Really?  Can you tell me? Because I have no idea why I am stressed.

GSF: Yes you do. 

Me: There is something I need to confront.

GSF: Good, what?

Me: I dunno, really, I don't. 

GSF: Of course you, do stop lying to yourself.  Go and meditate until you are willing to accept it. 

Me: Ok.

GSF: And in the meantime  have sex.  It's good for stress reduction, and then maybe your next session won't be so boring.

Rebirth!

Has anyone seen my blog?  I let my son use my computer and now I have no blog posts.  I am always telling him to clean up, but that is not what I had in mind.  I'm gonna take this as a sign for a fresh start.  Which, honestly will probably look like a lot like the old start.