22 April 2010

What Kinda Psychoanalysis Can I Get For $8 an Hour?

Ghost of Sigmund Freud (GSF):  Come, Come lay down on the couch.

Me:  I'd rather not, have you a comfy chair?

GSF: It's your couch,  you'll be fine on it.  What seems to be the problem?

Me: Well Ghost Dr., I'm an...

GSF: It's sexual.

Me: No, If I can finish?

GSF: I see, so it is sexual.

Me: No you loon, I'm ANXIOUS!

GSF: Why are you yelling?  Are you attracted to me?

ME: I'm yelling because I'm cranky and you are annoying me.

GSF: You have quite a short fuse.

Me: Yes, I know.  I am having anxiety.

GSF: Why? You aren't dead. 

Me: Isn't  being dead stress free?

GSF: Not at all my dear, the housing problem alone is murder.

Me: Yes, well um back to me.  I'm cranky, and I want to sleep all the time.  I have no appetite.  I can't keep still.  I'm unable to focus.  I mean I'm reading three books right now.  I mean simultaneously, a few sentences from one book, then the next, then the last one.  As if that isn't too much, I'm also watching youtube videos, and the football match and surfing the web. 

GSF: Why? Why are you stressed?  Are you not grateful to be alive, to have healthy happy pikni?   Well except for the oldest one, whom I gather is being whiny and obstreperous.  You are not hungry or homeless or unloved?

Me: Yes that is true, but still  I don't have a job, I'm going to have to move, my children have drunk the Big Gulp of puberty hormones, my grandma is getting ready to die.  I apparently look so lost that everywhere I go someone is trying to talk to me about the lord.  In one afternoon, I had Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses pass by d house. 

GSF: I see.

Me: Do you?  Really?  Can you tell me? Because I have no idea why I am stressed.

GSF: Yes you do. 

Me: There is something I need to confront.

GSF: Good, what?

Me: I dunno, really, I don't. 

GSF: Of course you, do stop lying to yourself.  Go and meditate until you are willing to accept it. 

Me: Ok.

GSF: And in the meantime  have sex.  It's good for stress reduction, and then maybe your next session won't be so boring.


Old Kitty said...

Oh the couch is back!!! Yay!!!

I'm so sorry you are all anxious and restless and feeling below par! I hope meditation helps. Just having a still and quiet moment to yourself, just so you could clear your mind and take one second at a time.

Good luck and please take care.

GSF is probably right - sex would be nice too!



Ann said...

I am sorry, but I am laughing.
When I stop laughing I will feel your pain. But for right now...laughing!

Glad to see the sofa again! Yep, still laughing.

tattytiara said...

Sex is wonderful meditation indeed, but then I've always been partial to meditative practices that allow screaming.

Just popped over from Cinner's and have to ask - do you own that sofa in the photo? When I was a kid our sofa (which I currently own in a recovered state) had the exact same upholstery!

Madame DeFarge said...

Ghosts are never good for advice. Especially not ones with dubious beards. Try a clean shaven one next time. Take care of yourself.

Relyn said...

You are cracking me up! TOTALLY!! I've been slacking in my bloggish neighborliness as school has been more than hectic. Now that I'm back in the swing again, I wanted to stop in and say hello. Happy spring!

Cinner said...

I am glad the couch is back, and after reading this I feel I need to laydown and talk to CSF....I hate it when I am anxious. I do believe that things have a way of working out, although sometimes it is very hard to see or know when. All the best.

laughingwolf said...

sex? what's that all about?

seems i did know, back in the day... had to, else why do i have three kids?

dang stork, anyway! :O lol

Dorte H said...

It seems the couch is excellent for the imagination. I want one too!