Once I Can Understand, But Five Times

One's knee does not make a satisfactory pin cushion.

Something To Do This Year

I have resigned myself to being blissfully under employed for payment, but I still have a wee need for achievement.   I see no need to go crazy so it might as well be some kind of task I was already going to do.  So I signed up for a few reading challenges.  Click on the pics if you wanna play along, and thanks to all the groovy people hosting the challenges.

Take ‘Em To Trial 16 books

Fascinated 6 books

3 books 3 different countries

Super Sleuth 13 books

10 books

Global Reading Challenge

Difficult 3 books from each continet

The Darkness Within  5 books

Shamrock 2 books

Sheep Man 3 books

Freya 3-5 books

Explorer 4 books

6 books

Speculative Fiction 12 books

  horror and urban fantasy 24 books

Detective 7-9 books
                                             

Blandings Castle

Two Texts and a Lucky Grab

I got a job for four days next week.

I think my boyfriend broke up with me.

I found $20 in my pocket.


How's your weekend going?

Code 5 in Sci-fi

Does anybody else have security guards at their library, or do I just live in a really rough neighborhood?


back to regular blogging tomorrow.

I'm Kinda Boring

I have been away along time.  I wish i could say i have been occupied with work or adventure or anything, but no.  For a bit, I had nothing to say, then i felt like i was having a resurgence of mono and dengue and malaria all at the same time.  I think that is all behind me now, so let me catch you up.

The boys brought home a kitten.  We have named her pork chop. 

 
I had a minor panic attack that the boys wouldn't be able to survive in a Colombian prison.  This isn't the first time i have had this particular worry.  I don't know why they would be in a Colombian prison.  Apparently I have the odd neuroses.

I did have a job interview.  I threw up in the office.  (see aforementioned feeling of illness).  I didn't get the job, you could have knocked me over with a feather. 
 
In a feeble attempt in self encouragement, I set up a blog for quick, first draft writing.

Multi-Culturalism Backfire

Buju - Mama how do say shot in French?

Me-  Um tiré?  I'm not sure.

Buju- head?

Me -tête

5 minutes later I hear from his room.  Je vous tiré juste dans tête.

Me-  ai tiré and la tête, buju.

Buju- Je vous ai tiré juste dans la tête pendejo!



Ah Call of Duty, the game to unite the world?

Around the World in Four Years Without Leaving the Couch

~~For the most part my ex and I get on very well.  One of the problems I do have with him though, is his failure to let the boys travel any where.  If it were up to me, they would have enough stamps to fill two passports, but he won't even sign the forms for them to get passports.  It has finally sunk in that he is gonna be the most enormous, mangy, pimple infested,  oozing donkey's behind about that.  I have to do something about it, so I've decided we are having a global holistay. (or is that staycation) 

There are beaucoup cultures in this world.  I'm mean down south here, that would be boo-koo.  Anyhoo I am going to make a concerted effort to expose them to a film, or book, or music, some other art, or food, anything from anywhere else but here at least once a week.  When your ex husband gives you lemons, you gotta find someone with vodka, and get rat assed. 

~~The illusionist (formerly mi vampiro.  i don't know why i didn't think of that name sooner.  he is always just disappearing on me and like a bad illusionist he sometimes doesn't reappear until the next week when you see him strolling down the street.)  and i are havin a wee issue.  a couple of weeks before i left belize, he stopped staying the night at my house.  because he thought there was a malicious spirit there.  I told him that was no spirit, that was me curled up next to him whilst he was dreaming, but he is convinced it was a spirit.  ok, i don't believe that, but he does.  Fine.  The problem is, he stopped inviting me to his house.  What?  Too much for him to stay there, but it's ok for me?  'I love you, go play with the spirit.  Don't get possessed.  I am going to have to practice my Linda Blair impersonation. 

~~On a more positve note, I entered a flash fiction contest over at Writtenwryd.  I was a big coward and entered anonymously.  Baby steps people. If you like flash fiction, be sure to head over and give the entries a read, they are well worth it.  You can even vote for 1st place, 2nd place, and best use of the given prompt. 

It's Good To Be Back?

There is a little-know sequel to  Lord of the Flies which takes place in the suburbs.  More specifically, the setting is my house.  Can you imagine what your house would look like if you left a 12 and a 10 year old boy all alone for two and half months?  Let me show you.  It might look a little like this.

 This is what greeted me as I opened the front door.

 In my shock I turned to the left.

 Their room.  Yes, that is one of them sleeping peacefully in the chaos.

Ah. I see they have been in my room too.

But I didn't leave them to fend for themselves.  I left them with their father.  THEIR FATHER.  I think that was my mistake.  

for health and safety reasons, i omitted pictures of the bathroom and kitchen.  i love you guys too much to subject you to that.

Weil J'ai Kein Dinero, Juego Mit Felsen

Wow this whole 'job' thing really interferes with my internet time.  I'm not sure I approve.  In fact I don't approve of doing anything for 13 hours a day, but yanno there are times a girl needs some cash.  But I don't have to toil away alone.  No, no i have a buddy.

Cawil

 aka Dr. Sleepy Paws

Being the good lab cat, he knows his place.  He's minding the ceramics while they dry.  I suppose the work is okay, boring and tedious but exactly what you might expect from a Ukrainian prison camp if your idea of a Ukrainian prison camp involves big tough men, beating big rocks into smaller ones, then moving them about for no apparent reason.  Ok, I'm not big and I'm not a man, and I'm not smashing rocks, and I am analysing them but other than that it is exactly the same.  To date I have moved, sorted and counted two and a half tons of lithics.  Did I mention that I'm an osteologist?  I like bones, not stones.

Even though I spend my days toiling at least I get to see mi vampiro (i suppose I need a new name for him, not that he is active during the day and he has stopped leaving bites on my neck.  feel free to mek suggestions)  at night.  Well some nights, if he isn't too tired (apparently I am quite tiring.  And here I thought I was just fun) and he's not in the jungle. 

I asked Jah for a gud conscious man, who is humble and playful, who is not materialistic or judgemental or hypocritical.  And he is all those things but i still wonder if things will work out between us.  He worries about the future of mankind, I'm afraid I'm gonna pee on myself in public.  Just not the same category.

Today We Begin the Day With a Wee Rant.

It is never ever okay to feckin' call me at 4 in the morning.  NEVER!!  There is a list of people that can  but yanno what?  You aren't on it.  You know why?  No one is!  In fact there shouldn't even be a list because no one is on it.  I don't care if you are on fire, don't call me.  Sometimes I  go to sleep at three a.m. and sometimes I get up at 5:30 a.m.  But if you're not a complete fecking twat you will notice that there is always sleeping at 4!!!!

Meet Radu!!

I'm leaving the country for 2 and a half months, so of course it's the perfect time to get a kitten.

And yes she is named for Radu cel Frumos, the younger brother of Vlad Ţepeș.  Cuz that's how we roll.

Belize, and Ebola, and Zombies. Oh My!

Only a few days until i leave for Belize, bought my plane snacks and i am actually taking a few things for mi vampiro.  I never take things for people, never even offer.  For one simple reason, everyone you have ever met will ask for something and so will their cousin or uncle or mama, even if you don't know them.  Clothes, car parts, phones, computer parts, chickens, cheese.  Car parts are big.  I've had a guy I don't like ask i bring down a transmission for him.  The fecker doesn't have a car!  So either it's a big step I asked mi vampiro if he needed anything or else I am an utter loon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My ass hurts, my legs ache, my head is stuffy, ears so clogged I can't hear properly, my nose is completely closed off but yet there is a steady stream of snot running from my right nostril.  I'm infected.  I know this because I check the tissue every time I blow my nose.  I'm a lady, I am.   I'm sure it's ebola.  Ok, it's a sinus infection.  I tend to get a little clingy when I'm ill, I think I subconsciously believe that I can pass on all my pathogens to someone else and heal myself.  If I could just lay about and sleep that would be groovy, but that ain't gonna happen.  Why can't someone help me????  Seriously If Lucrezia Borgia showed up with a bowl of soup, I'd take that chance.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Buju asked me this morning if i loved mi vampiro.  Yes, i told him.  Well how do you know?  Because when the zombie apocalypse comes,  i would go to get him.  Wow, he said, you do love him, cuz that is stupid.

That's my boy, always ready to make the tough decisions!!!

Frankie Said To Relax, But I Don't Think This is Right.

Wow!  I knew it had been a long time since I posted, but I didn't think it had been three weeks.  I wish it was because I got a new job, or I was writing a brilliant novel, or I've globe trotting, or having martini's by the pool with a very fit 1950's Richard Widmark.  Sigh.  But no, life here has be B-O-R-I-N-G boring.  I haven't been bothered by the mundacity, no wait I mean mundanity.  Maybe a girl should pick up a dictionary every once in a while.  Anyhoo I was saying that I haven't been bothered by the boring nature of my existence.  In fact I hadn't noticed until I was chatting with mi vampiro. 

him  -   Just got back from a three day trip to Chiqibul cave.  Have a trip with the New Mexico students tomorrow, wish I could go with them to Tobacco Caye, but I have to standby for work.  Heading down to PG for the cacao festival.  What's been going on with you this week?

me -  I washed my hair.

*crickets*

me- ok, love you bye-bye.


Is it too much yoga?  Is it possible to be so relaxed, you can watch your life disappear into your navel?

I better enjoy it this week, because the week after I head back to Belize.  It will be nice to have a job that doesn't involve scrubbing toilets.  I hope mi vampiro is drinking up his baba root and his tiger bone.  I have a feeling all this resting is going to give me quite an energy boost.

Is This a Fashion Faux Pas?

In case you forgot how orientated American society is towards telling women they are too big, my size 8 ass is wearing my 72 pound, prepubescent son's trousers.  I knew my clothes had been designed for a 1970's white girl. 

'Always Forgive Your Enemies -Nothing Annoys Them So Much.'*

I'm not sure what the appropriate response is when the man that raped you phones.  I'm pretty sure having a wee chat is not it, but that is exactly what I did.  I didn't recognize his voice at first.  When he told me who it was, I wasn't afraid.  That is not what I expected.  I would have thought, I would start to shake, maybe some frantic pacing, but no i made some tea, and we talked about his sister's wedding, his brother, his work, my work this summer, my trip to Guatemala.  I know that I can't face him face to face. I don't want to, but more than that I know I would flee.  That is not a step I am ready for.  I don't know if I ever will be ready for that, but there is a real possibility I will see him.  It is a small town, eventually, it seems, you run into everyone in town, everyone in the district. 

After I hung up the phone, I thought I had reached some level of acceptance and forgiveness.  But now I wonder if perhaps I have deluded myself, that it is not forgiveness but rather denial.  I accept what happened, I have been angry, and scared, I've wanted revenge and beyond. Over the last nine months I have gotten to a place where I don't lock the doors all the time, jump each time I hear a noise, hide in the hallway when there is a knock at the door. 

For me forgiveness is achieved when there is no more desire for punishment, when the anger has subsided.  Forgiveness is needed to keep harmful thoughts and feelings from wrecking my well being. But I also believe the one who has committed the wrong should admit the transgression, attempt to rectify it and seek forgiveness.  Even though I haven't seen any evidence he has followed that path,


I forgive you M.



*Oscar Wilde